Only Alyssa

As I sit here in the family room, I smirk because I'm realizing how the pile of toys in here has gotten bigger and bigger. It has spread consistently during the last couple of months. And now my mind wanders to how little free time I have now compared to my pre-mommy days and how very much work this little skallywag is. I changed two explosive dipes this morning within ten minutes of each other. I had to chase her around and scoop her up umpteen times today because she was crawling to places where babies shouldn't be. I waited twenty minutes to start filling my tummy at Panera tonight because I had to feed my hungry baby first. She's getting heavy. It's hard to mix and heat a bottle of formula while I'm holding her in one arm and she's perfecting her Cirque du Soleil moves and trying to dive headlong into the kitchen counter.

But I do it.
And some days it is really, really exhausting and I find myself thinking that I would give my right arm to have an entire day to myself where I could do whatever I wanted and just be....free.

But if that ever actually happened, I think I would miss her fiercely after about the first hour. I wouldn't know what to do with myself. (Okay, I'd probably get a massage and a pedicure, but after that......) In fact, if she naps for more than an hour and a half or so, I sometimes have to hold myself back from barging into her room and waking her up....just because I miss her.

She is a ton of work. But then she wiggles and squeals at me when I get her out of her crib in the morning, and she shakes her little head and smiles from ear to ear while I feed her breakfast, and she crawls to me when she falls down and reaches her arms out til I pick her up, and she laughs and dances and her eyes sparkle. And she splashes in the bathtub and squeezes her rubber duckies and hums while I wash her hair. And she practices standing up and can do it for about seven seconds before she lands on her little tuckus. And she says, "Ahd-n" and "Mmm" and "DaDaDaDa". And my favorite time of the day: feeding her her bedtime bottle. She curls her hand around my finger and gazes up at me and I kiss her forehead more times than I can count. And I take in the sweet smell that is only Alyssa. And I hold her. I hold my girl so tight. And I thank God for that moment and I thank God for this girl.

My Girl

"I've got sunshine on a cloudy day.
When it's cold outside, I've got the month of May.
I guess you'd say - what can make me feel this way?
My girl!! My girl!! My girl!!
Talkin' bout my girl!"

I love her soooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!!!! More every day, if that's even possible.
She's at a really fun stage. 8-1/2 months old. She's a speed crawler now and, as of the last week or so, she pulls herself up on the furniture (and on our legs if we're wearing pants!). She is just AMAZING. I am so in awe of this little person. She barely even seems like a baby anymore! She is extremely interactive, playful and energetic. The only downside: She's a human Hoover. She picks up anything and everything off the floor and thinks it's food! The other day she coughed up a huge piece of carpeting! Not good! So I have to vacuum often and we have to watch her like a hawk! But she is just SO much fun.

We finally babyproofed her bedroom today. Well, it was pretty much babyproofed before, but tonight we made it so that she can be in there playing by herself and be perfectly safe. And we got a see-thru baby gate for her doorway. Sometimes I need to do laundry or other stuff upstairs and I'm not sure what to do with her, so this way she can hopefully play in her room unsupervised for a little while at a time while I'm getting stuff done upstairs.

I look at this little peanut now and just still cannot believe God gave her to me. What in the WORLD did I do to deserve such an awesome baby girl????? She's mine. Forever! It blows my mind. And it still blows my mind that for awhile there I thought I didn't want a child. My life has been turned upside down and inside out since Alyssa Belle was born - in a very, very good way. Having a baby really does change everything. Yes, it IS tiring wiping up spitup and changing poopy diapers and giving her baths and getting her dressed and getting all her baby gear in the car every time we go somewhere and making bottles and keeping her entertained and drying her tears.......but I would not trade it for ANYTHING in the world. God willed this little girl into being and He gave her to me to love so much it hurts, and to take care of and to bring with me wherever I go and to hug and cuddle and kiss and squeeze. Her happiness and comfort is my highest goal. Always.